I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
