If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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