dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
