my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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