A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
