Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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