well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
