So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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