If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
