i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I party with great urgency now.
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