I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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