low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
