i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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