how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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