I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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