it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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