Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is it penis luge time yet?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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