i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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