I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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