Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
