Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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