i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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