dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
