PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
