he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
