No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
