you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
