Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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