By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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