I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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