You just made me feel so damn special
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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