I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The beer is more important than you right now.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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