Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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