chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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