i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
