Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
