with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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