Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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