'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
