Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
