..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
