who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
