I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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