i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
