Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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