guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
