The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
