i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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