So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
What a dumb baby whore.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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