Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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