"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
