It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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