I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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