Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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