Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
