Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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