that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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