We need to rekindle our bromance
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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