i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
