I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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