he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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