I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
