Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
