sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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