I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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