Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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