your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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