if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
