I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
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