I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
