By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
