who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
