i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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