They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
