I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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